Finding our way & learning our purpose, the answer isn't always obvious...

As a child we grow up dreaming of what we will be someday. Some of us dream of being doctors, firemen, astronauts, veterinarians, the possibilities are endless when you're a child. All things seem possible and very much attainable at such a young age, children may not have the exact detailed plan on how they are going to accomplish their dreams, but they have a strong faith- which is the most important part. Our faith in something can change everything.
As a little girl I can remember having the dream of becoming a ballerina. I loved the gracefullness that ballet represented, the music, the beauty in the message of each movement, the beautiful costumes. I had my heart set on this, this was what I wanted to do with my life. Growing up with not much money, my parents couldn't afford to put me into lessons or ballet school, I had to face at a young age that I wouldn't be able to become what I had set my heart on, but still- the dream never went away. I would rent books from the library, studying famous dancers from across the globe, and quite often PBS had programs on in the evening of ballet performances that took place in other countries. Just watching the performances made my heart happy in ways that nothing else did, it gave me a hope that someday I too, could be something great.
My family was fortunate to be friends with a lovely couple- Alice and Chester- from our church, their daughter was a professional ballerina. She was beautiful and graceful, everything that I had seen in every book I had ever rented, and she was amazingly talented. From the ages of eight to sixteen, Alice and Chester took me to see "The Nuttcracker Suite" ballet performance every year, and it never got old. Even now, at the age of thirty- it gives me the equal amount of happiness that it did back when I was a kid.
Alice and Chester have since passed away, but what they did for me was give me hope that I could be something someday, too. I will always love them for that.
At the age of thirty- am I a ballerina? No, I am a nurse, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend, and so much more. We often go through life looking for our purpose, trying to find out where we fit in- in this life, but the answers don't always come when we expect them to. Sometimes in life we have to endure certain lessons, sometimes very hard and life changing lessons- for the answers to come to us, but trust me- they always do. And though they may not come to us kindly, the answers come to us honestly, and teach us what we need to know.........
I went through something that changed my life forever, at the age of nineteen. This occurance made me realize that maybe, I was meant to be something else, do something else, pour my heart into something else..........
At the age of nineteen I gave birth to my oldest son, and I endured a Peripartum-Cardiomyopathy/ my heart had become enlarged 3 times its normal size, which then resulted in heart failure. I wasn't supposed to live, in fact I can remember being told that I was going to die. Something like that can only be described as having the most helpless feeling in the world, you become truly at the mercy of a higher power, if you go through your life questioning if there is a God- when you come to this crossroad, you pray with every ounce of your being that there is, because that's all you have left at that point. What helped me pull through that event was not the doctors, it was the nurse that took care of me- Liberty. Laying in my bed very ill, with fever, and pre-eclampsia, & an enlarged heart- I can remember her coming into my room to find me sobbing. She asked me why I was upset, and I explained to her- because I was told that I was going to die. She sat next to my bed, put my right hand into hers, and said "I am going to do everything in my power to make sure that you don't die, but I need you to have faith that you are going to leave here alive." I made her a promise that if I survived that situation- that I would give my life to helping others. She stayed with me, holding my hand- untill I fell asleep. I never forgot her, she was a complete stranger that was by my side during one of the darkest times of my life, she gave me hope when I had nothing left. She changed my life.....and caused me to question everything........
I went on to survive the event, I got better and was able to go home with my son to recover. But I never forgot her, she is the reason that I became a nurse. My only wish is that I can give back to others- what she gave to me, hope for better things to come. I thought about this woman everyday from that point on, and I got to see her again- at Lutheran Hospital during my OB clinicals, I got to tell her "You changed my life, you changed everything for me, you are the reason that I became a nurse, and there will never be enough words to thank you for what you did for me."
Sometimes a simple event can change the biggest of decisions in our lives, and even if you don't know what you want to be- or what you want to do with your life, doesn't mean you are lost- the answers come to us each at different times. Your day will come, the time will come, trust that. A carreer, a degree, it doesn't define who we our as people, we are all equally important, we all deserve to be happy in this life. It's not going to matter at the end of your life if you were a doctor, or if you worked as an ice cream man- we all come into this life the same way/ through birth, and we all leave this life the same way/ through death. Nothing should define you except what you wish your life to be, each of us are mere human beings, doing the best that we can from our own levels of consciousness. Don't give in to society and think less of yourself because you may not be doing what others think you should do with your life, the choice is always up to you, you will find your way when it is meant to happen. Know that and have faith in that.
One of the greatest things about children is their strong conviction that they are going to do something or be something, we've each had that as a child, it is only as we get older and grow into adults- that we think we are no longer worthy of what we want, or that we hold no value because we haven't accomplished certain things by a certain time line......Don't let that define you, we all grow differently, we aren't all meant to be the same. Just know that you are meant for something, something great, at times of difficulty- hold that thought close to your heart, and it will happen.
I'm living proof of that. You are living proof of that. We are all living proof of the life's great purpose. On the day that you were born, your parents held you,looked at you, and put every ounce of love and hope into their dreams for you, that you would be great. Maintain that same love and hope, that same faith within yourself, and know that you can be anything you want, you can have anything you want. It all begins and ends with you.