As a nurse I tend to a vast variety of patients, all ages, cultures, creeds, but still all human beings- all mortal. I have found myself come across things in the medical field that may be deemed "unfair" by others, situations that are unfortunate and heart wrenching- and yet, I have to find a way to bring light to the dark......
I would be lieing if I said that I completely understand why people who are young die everyday from unfortunate illnesses, accidents, happenings, or merely from being born into a certain kind of life, I, just like many others- may never completely understand all that this world is made up of & why. I can recall taking care of a two week old infant once, that had been taken away from its mother/due to her drug abuse during her pregnancy, the infant was experiencing withdrawls/constant pain, and as his nurse it was my duty to comfort the infant until it passed away-due to an uncontrollable hemmoraging (bleeding) in the brain. Though I knew that this life's journey was going to be short-lived, I was determined to give positive to that life, and in return I feel like that child did even more for me. Each day with that life was a real life lesson and realization that we, as people, have no control over what we are brought into, each day with that infant made me think about my own life, and the cards that I had been dealt. As human beings we are all born into something different. Some of us are born into loving families, while others maynot be. We are born into different cultures, races, ethnicities- all being beyond our control/ and yet some of us are still judged over the fact. Some of us are born into wealth, into poverty, big families, small families, possibly even into having no family at all. Tending to this infant made me realize that even on my absolute worst days- I am blessed. I get to wake up to see the sunshine, feel the wind on my face, go for a walk, and this child would never get to do that, the simple things that we all take for granted most days. This child wouldn't get the chance to learn how to read, graduate from high school, go to prom, know what it is to fall in love, or get married. This child was oblivious to the stock market, the wars, the economy, or the job market- because all it had ever felt since arriving in this world- had been pain, it knew nothing else. This child was sedated for the majority of its existence, it may not have heard my words of encouragement, or the songs that I would sing, maybe it didn't feel me holding it/my touch- but a life that was only 2 weeks old- left an impression on my heart that will last until my last days on this earth......
Just as this infant didn't ask to be born into drug abuse, we are each dealt our own cards in this life. I can say with an open heart today that if you are dealt some difficult cards in this life, and you are blessed with health, don't waste it, not everyone is so fortunate. I have been fortunate to have thirty years of life: thirty years of laughter, of smiles, of pain, of growth, of evolving, of learning, and even if that is all I am given- it is still more than that child got. You have to find the beauty through the pain, the humility in each life that touches your own, and remain hopeful that you are able to see the omens/the signs in front of your eyes that attempt to show you how lucky you are. In some religions there are beliefs that we as people never truly die because our souls are ancient, and when our body passes away it is buried into the earth, leaving our remains to settle into the soil, which then goes into the grass, and the flowers, whose petals go into the sky, and decend into the clouds- so in this way, those who die never truly leave us, they are all around us, in every moment. It's a beautiful way to look at something that we each fear so much. I have no proof if this is indeed what happens after our departure from this life, but I can only hope that something equally as beautiful was bestowed upon that child that I took care of, may he be at peace where ever he is, we were meant to cross paths for a reason, I truly believe that & I am greatful for our time spent together.
For my life and for all others, I can only hope that you each find the beauty in everyday occurences, the simple things in life that can be taken away at any time. As a parent- love your children for who they are, because they never truly belong to you, they are simply lent to you by God, when you realize that you don't take a moment for granted, they can be life's greatest teachers. No matter what you are born into, know that everyday you have choices, options, chances to make changes, to do better than yesterday. Just because you may have been born into a dysfunctional situation- doesn't mean that you can't have what you've always dreamed of one day, you can change things for the better, we all deserve happiness. We are all capable of happiness.
Yes, I can admit that there have been times in my own life when I have been dealt difficult cards- and finding the light seemed close to impossible, but looking at those times now- I can appreciate them for giving me growth and bringing me to where I currently stand in my life. I realize now that every kind of pain that I had to endure in this life has helped to mold who I am, and how I am. If I hadn't been dealt difficult cards I would be oblivious to many things in life, and not able to hold the same appreciation in my heart that I do for everyday occurences. Just to wake up to each morning is a blessing, if you get that opportunity- turn it into something beautiful, be blessed, and pass the blessings onto others, pass kindness onto others, pass humility onto others, pass compassion onto others. As a thirty year old woman, it was a 2 week old life that opened me up to question myself about things I never knew about myself, to ask myself things that I had never previously asked myself. If that was the reason that we crossed paths- then I am humbled and thankful for that messenger, I can only hope to be as fortunate to touch others lives/the way that mine was touched.
Be Blessed.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Finding our way & learning our purpose, the answer isn't always obvious...
As a child we grow up dreaming of what we will be someday. Some of us dream of being doctors, firemen, astronauts, veterinarians, the possibilities are endless when you're a child. All things seem possible and very much attainable at such a young age, children may not have the exact detailed plan on how they are going to accomplish their dreams, but they have a strong faith- which is the most important part. Our faith in something can change everything.
As a little girl I can remember having the dream of becoming a ballerina. I loved the gracefullness that ballet represented, the music, the beauty in the message of each movement, the beautiful costumes. I had my heart set on this, this was what I wanted to do with my life. Growing up with not much money, my parents couldn't afford to put me into lessons or ballet school, I had to face at a young age that I wouldn't be able to become what I had set my heart on, but still- the dream never went away. I would rent books from the library, studying famous dancers from across the globe, and quite often PBS had programs on in the evening of ballet performances that took place in other countries. Just watching the performances made my heart happy in ways that nothing else did, it gave me a hope that someday I too, could be something great.
My family was fortunate to be friends with a lovely couple- Alice and Chester- from our church, their daughter was a professional ballerina. She was beautiful and graceful, everything that I had seen in every book I had ever rented, and she was amazingly talented. From the ages of eight to sixteen, Alice and Chester took me to see "The Nuttcracker Suite" ballet performance every year, and it never got old. Even now, at the age of thirty- it gives me the equal amount of happiness that it did back when I was a kid.
Alice and Chester have since passed away, but what they did for me was give me hope that I could be something someday, too. I will always love them for that.
At the age of thirty- am I a ballerina? No, I am a nurse, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend, and so much more. We often go through life looking for our purpose, trying to find out where we fit in- in this life, but the answers don't always come when we expect them to. Sometimes in life we have to endure certain lessons, sometimes very hard and life changing lessons- for the answers to come to us, but trust me- they always do. And though they may not come to us kindly, the answers come to us honestly, and teach us what we need to know.........
I went through something that changed my life forever, at the age of nineteen. This occurance made me realize that maybe, I was meant to be something else, do something else, pour my heart into something else..........
At the age of nineteen I gave birth to my oldest son, and I endured a Peripartum-Cardiomyopathy/ my heart had become enlarged 3 times its normal size, which then resulted in heart failure. I wasn't supposed to live, in fact I can remember being told that I was going to die. Something like that can only be described as having the most helpless feeling in the world, you become truly at the mercy of a higher power, if you go through your life questioning if there is a God- when you come to this crossroad, you pray with every ounce of your being that there is, because that's all you have left at that point. What helped me pull through that event was not the doctors, it was the nurse that took care of me- Liberty. Laying in my bed very ill, with fever, and pre-eclampsia, & an enlarged heart- I can remember her coming into my room to find me sobbing. She asked me why I was upset, and I explained to her- because I was told that I was going to die. She sat next to my bed, put my right hand into hers, and said "I am going to do everything in my power to make sure that you don't die, but I need you to have faith that you are going to leave here alive." I made her a promise that if I survived that situation- that I would give my life to helping others. She stayed with me, holding my hand- untill I fell asleep. I never forgot her, she was a complete stranger that was by my side during one of the darkest times of my life, she gave me hope when I had nothing left. She changed my life.....and caused me to question everything........
I went on to survive the event, I got better and was able to go home with my son to recover. But I never forgot her, she is the reason that I became a nurse. My only wish is that I can give back to others- what she gave to me, hope for better things to come. I thought about this woman everyday from that point on, and I got to see her again- at Lutheran Hospital during my OB clinicals, I got to tell her "You changed my life, you changed everything for me, you are the reason that I became a nurse, and there will never be enough words to thank you for what you did for me."
Sometimes a simple event can change the biggest of decisions in our lives, and even if you don't know what you want to be- or what you want to do with your life, doesn't mean you are lost- the answers come to us each at different times. Your day will come, the time will come, trust that. A carreer, a degree, it doesn't define who we our as people, we are all equally important, we all deserve to be happy in this life. It's not going to matter at the end of your life if you were a doctor, or if you worked as an ice cream man- we all come into this life the same way/ through birth, and we all leave this life the same way/ through death. Nothing should define you except what you wish your life to be, each of us are mere human beings, doing the best that we can from our own levels of consciousness. Don't give in to society and think less of yourself because you may not be doing what others think you should do with your life, the choice is always up to you, you will find your way when it is meant to happen. Know that and have faith in that.
One of the greatest things about children is their strong conviction that they are going to do something or be something, we've each had that as a child, it is only as we get older and grow into adults- that we think we are no longer worthy of what we want, or that we hold no value because we haven't accomplished certain things by a certain time line......Don't let that define you, we all grow differently, we aren't all meant to be the same. Just know that you are meant for something, something great, at times of difficulty- hold that thought close to your heart, and it will happen.
I'm living proof of that. You are living proof of that. We are all living proof of the life's great purpose. On the day that you were born, your parents held you,looked at you, and put every ounce of love and hope into their dreams for you, that you would be great. Maintain that same love and hope, that same faith within yourself, and know that you can be anything you want, you can have anything you want. It all begins and ends with you.
As a little girl I can remember having the dream of becoming a ballerina. I loved the gracefullness that ballet represented, the music, the beauty in the message of each movement, the beautiful costumes. I had my heart set on this, this was what I wanted to do with my life. Growing up with not much money, my parents couldn't afford to put me into lessons or ballet school, I had to face at a young age that I wouldn't be able to become what I had set my heart on, but still- the dream never went away. I would rent books from the library, studying famous dancers from across the globe, and quite often PBS had programs on in the evening of ballet performances that took place in other countries. Just watching the performances made my heart happy in ways that nothing else did, it gave me a hope that someday I too, could be something great.
My family was fortunate to be friends with a lovely couple- Alice and Chester- from our church, their daughter was a professional ballerina. She was beautiful and graceful, everything that I had seen in every book I had ever rented, and she was amazingly talented. From the ages of eight to sixteen, Alice and Chester took me to see "The Nuttcracker Suite" ballet performance every year, and it never got old. Even now, at the age of thirty- it gives me the equal amount of happiness that it did back when I was a kid.
Alice and Chester have since passed away, but what they did for me was give me hope that I could be something someday, too. I will always love them for that.
At the age of thirty- am I a ballerina? No, I am a nurse, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend, and so much more. We often go through life looking for our purpose, trying to find out where we fit in- in this life, but the answers don't always come when we expect them to. Sometimes in life we have to endure certain lessons, sometimes very hard and life changing lessons- for the answers to come to us, but trust me- they always do. And though they may not come to us kindly, the answers come to us honestly, and teach us what we need to know.........
I went through something that changed my life forever, at the age of nineteen. This occurance made me realize that maybe, I was meant to be something else, do something else, pour my heart into something else..........
At the age of nineteen I gave birth to my oldest son, and I endured a Peripartum-Cardiomyopathy/ my heart had become enlarged 3 times its normal size, which then resulted in heart failure. I wasn't supposed to live, in fact I can remember being told that I was going to die. Something like that can only be described as having the most helpless feeling in the world, you become truly at the mercy of a higher power, if you go through your life questioning if there is a God- when you come to this crossroad, you pray with every ounce of your being that there is, because that's all you have left at that point. What helped me pull through that event was not the doctors, it was the nurse that took care of me- Liberty. Laying in my bed very ill, with fever, and pre-eclampsia, & an enlarged heart- I can remember her coming into my room to find me sobbing. She asked me why I was upset, and I explained to her- because I was told that I was going to die. She sat next to my bed, put my right hand into hers, and said "I am going to do everything in my power to make sure that you don't die, but I need you to have faith that you are going to leave here alive." I made her a promise that if I survived that situation- that I would give my life to helping others. She stayed with me, holding my hand- untill I fell asleep. I never forgot her, she was a complete stranger that was by my side during one of the darkest times of my life, she gave me hope when I had nothing left. She changed my life.....and caused me to question everything........
I went on to survive the event, I got better and was able to go home with my son to recover. But I never forgot her, she is the reason that I became a nurse. My only wish is that I can give back to others- what she gave to me, hope for better things to come. I thought about this woman everyday from that point on, and I got to see her again- at Lutheran Hospital during my OB clinicals, I got to tell her "You changed my life, you changed everything for me, you are the reason that I became a nurse, and there will never be enough words to thank you for what you did for me."
Sometimes a simple event can change the biggest of decisions in our lives, and even if you don't know what you want to be- or what you want to do with your life, doesn't mean you are lost- the answers come to us each at different times. Your day will come, the time will come, trust that. A carreer, a degree, it doesn't define who we our as people, we are all equally important, we all deserve to be happy in this life. It's not going to matter at the end of your life if you were a doctor, or if you worked as an ice cream man- we all come into this life the same way/ through birth, and we all leave this life the same way/ through death. Nothing should define you except what you wish your life to be, each of us are mere human beings, doing the best that we can from our own levels of consciousness. Don't give in to society and think less of yourself because you may not be doing what others think you should do with your life, the choice is always up to you, you will find your way when it is meant to happen. Know that and have faith in that.
One of the greatest things about children is their strong conviction that they are going to do something or be something, we've each had that as a child, it is only as we get older and grow into adults- that we think we are no longer worthy of what we want, or that we hold no value because we haven't accomplished certain things by a certain time line......Don't let that define you, we all grow differently, we aren't all meant to be the same. Just know that you are meant for something, something great, at times of difficulty- hold that thought close to your heart, and it will happen.
I'm living proof of that. You are living proof of that. We are all living proof of the life's great purpose. On the day that you were born, your parents held you,looked at you, and put every ounce of love and hope into their dreams for you, that you would be great. Maintain that same love and hope, that same faith within yourself, and know that you can be anything you want, you can have anything you want. It all begins and ends with you.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Beauty.....and the things we learn later.
I remember being small and petite, soft spoken as a little girl, playing with Barbie dolls- I thought Barbie was the prettiest doll ever. Every girl I knew had barbies, it was easy to get caught up in the new accessories- Barbie had everything that any girl could dream of: A big house, a corvette, and of course- Ken/ the ideal man that most women hope for in this life, Barbie's perfect match.......
Well, with age I think most girls realize, like I did, that they didn't fit that mold- and they began to question themselves, their own beauty, and their worth. I began to think: well if that's what beauty is, then what hope is there really for the girls who don't look like that?
In my teen years I got to know more about different cultures, and their definitions of beauty, they weren't even close to Barbie's standards, and I loved that, but still- there was more to overcome during those years.
In my high school years there were boys that I had crushes on (of course I always kept my feelings to myself) most of the guys were Caucasion, but lets face it- it wasn't considered "cool" to date a Latina back then. To this day I can remember being in gym class one day and talking to my best friend about wanting to ask a certain boy to semi-formal, much to my mistake- there was a group of "popular girls" sitting near by who happened to overhear my conversation. One of the girl's came over and said "I'm sorry to interrupt you, but did you just say something about asking "so and so" out?" I replied: "No, I said that I was thinking of asking him to Semi-formal." The guy that I wanted to ask was popular and would most likely say no, but a part of me wanted to ask anyway, just to see what would happen. The popular girl giggled and went back to her group and told her friends what I had said, the group thought it was pretty comical apparently, I could hear them talk and laugh about it- I mean why would he have given me the time of day?: I'm Latina, I wasn't popular, and I wasn't pretty according to that group's standards. Frustrated, I decided to not ask him, and I didn't go to semi- formal either, I stayed home that night enjoying pizza and music instead- with my best friend......
The next several years of my life changed everything. Life opened up new doors to me and showed me exactly what I needed to see and realize to move forward with acceptance of myself.......
I had an amazing grandmother- Juanita (who passed away this April) who told me that "you're only given one life, you have to embrace it fully, that is the true definition of beauty." She taught me things I never knew about myself, she made me feel that there was beauty in me. She was there in the beginning years of my life as a baby, she helped care for me, she would tell me stories of the things that I did as a child. I was her first grandchild born, she kept stacks upon stacks of albums of pictures of me, everytime I went to visit her in Mexico- we would sit together and go through the albums. My grandmother would tell me how little I was as an infant, she would say: "You were like a little doll, beautiful." She was able to see me in a different way than I had, I had become very hard on myself due to others standards, due to other's definitions of me.
I thank my grandmother for waking me up........I owe her so much for that. Her death this year shook me to the core, bringing back memories- flooding my mind with all of her words of wisdom that she gave me throughout my life. She taught me to see myself through different eyes, her eyes, a woman who had known me since the first days of my arrival into this life. No one could know me better.
As an adult, and as a mother I've seen so much change since then. I have dated different cultures/ races- and I learned something beautiful from each of them. Beauty comes in so many different colors, and backgrounds, I fully embrace my culture as a Latina, and I will accept no one's definition of myself, their approval isn't needed. I've learned that it it far more better to have a beautiful heart than a beautiful face, no matter how much makeup you put on your face, you can't apply make-up to your soul. We all have something beautiful and worthwhile to offer this world, we all have individual things/traits that make us each amazing. Embrace those traits- because there's only one you in this world, and there will never be another. A hundred years from now- no one is going to know that you or I had ever even existed, it will be almost like we never had at all. Tell your children that they're beautiful everyday, because they need to know that. In a world so huge and ever-evolving- your babies need to know that they are special, that they have unique qualities that make them amazing, that they can be anything that they want. I wish I would have learned those things earlier in life.
Beauty is what makes you different, the way you express yourself, your talents, your flaws, your changes, the way you love others, the way you move forward from lessons learned. You may not live according to other's standards, you may not be what other's want you to be, but all you truly need to be- is what you wish to be, what makes you happy. Our time here in this life can end anytime, and when it comes to a closing- it's not going to matter if other's thought you were pretty enough, good enough, smart enough, successful enough, the only thing that's going to matter is how you feel about everything that you are.
Embrace it now. And love it.
And if you ever fall off track, if you ever forget your worth, know that there is someone out there who sees beauty in you.
Me.
Well, with age I think most girls realize, like I did, that they didn't fit that mold- and they began to question themselves, their own beauty, and their worth. I began to think: well if that's what beauty is, then what hope is there really for the girls who don't look like that?
In my teen years I got to know more about different cultures, and their definitions of beauty, they weren't even close to Barbie's standards, and I loved that, but still- there was more to overcome during those years.
In my high school years there were boys that I had crushes on (of course I always kept my feelings to myself) most of the guys were Caucasion, but lets face it- it wasn't considered "cool" to date a Latina back then. To this day I can remember being in gym class one day and talking to my best friend about wanting to ask a certain boy to semi-formal, much to my mistake- there was a group of "popular girls" sitting near by who happened to overhear my conversation. One of the girl's came over and said "I'm sorry to interrupt you, but did you just say something about asking "so and so" out?" I replied: "No, I said that I was thinking of asking him to Semi-formal." The guy that I wanted to ask was popular and would most likely say no, but a part of me wanted to ask anyway, just to see what would happen. The popular girl giggled and went back to her group and told her friends what I had said, the group thought it was pretty comical apparently, I could hear them talk and laugh about it- I mean why would he have given me the time of day?: I'm Latina, I wasn't popular, and I wasn't pretty according to that group's standards. Frustrated, I decided to not ask him, and I didn't go to semi- formal either, I stayed home that night enjoying pizza and music instead- with my best friend......
The next several years of my life changed everything. Life opened up new doors to me and showed me exactly what I needed to see and realize to move forward with acceptance of myself.......
I had an amazing grandmother- Juanita (who passed away this April) who told me that "you're only given one life, you have to embrace it fully, that is the true definition of beauty." She taught me things I never knew about myself, she made me feel that there was beauty in me. She was there in the beginning years of my life as a baby, she helped care for me, she would tell me stories of the things that I did as a child. I was her first grandchild born, she kept stacks upon stacks of albums of pictures of me, everytime I went to visit her in Mexico- we would sit together and go through the albums. My grandmother would tell me how little I was as an infant, she would say: "You were like a little doll, beautiful." She was able to see me in a different way than I had, I had become very hard on myself due to others standards, due to other's definitions of me.
I thank my grandmother for waking me up........I owe her so much for that. Her death this year shook me to the core, bringing back memories- flooding my mind with all of her words of wisdom that she gave me throughout my life. She taught me to see myself through different eyes, her eyes, a woman who had known me since the first days of my arrival into this life. No one could know me better.
As an adult, and as a mother I've seen so much change since then. I have dated different cultures/ races- and I learned something beautiful from each of them. Beauty comes in so many different colors, and backgrounds, I fully embrace my culture as a Latina, and I will accept no one's definition of myself, their approval isn't needed. I've learned that it it far more better to have a beautiful heart than a beautiful face, no matter how much makeup you put on your face, you can't apply make-up to your soul. We all have something beautiful and worthwhile to offer this world, we all have individual things/traits that make us each amazing. Embrace those traits- because there's only one you in this world, and there will never be another. A hundred years from now- no one is going to know that you or I had ever even existed, it will be almost like we never had at all. Tell your children that they're beautiful everyday, because they need to know that. In a world so huge and ever-evolving- your babies need to know that they are special, that they have unique qualities that make them amazing, that they can be anything that they want. I wish I would have learned those things earlier in life.
Beauty is what makes you different, the way you express yourself, your talents, your flaws, your changes, the way you love others, the way you move forward from lessons learned. You may not live according to other's standards, you may not be what other's want you to be, but all you truly need to be- is what you wish to be, what makes you happy. Our time here in this life can end anytime, and when it comes to a closing- it's not going to matter if other's thought you were pretty enough, good enough, smart enough, successful enough, the only thing that's going to matter is how you feel about everything that you are.
Embrace it now. And love it.
And if you ever fall off track, if you ever forget your worth, know that there is someone out there who sees beauty in you.
Me.
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